Babushka part 2: Being present
Alongside our studio based celebrations for National Mental Health Awareness Week we’d like to introduce you to Babushka. Babushka is a well loved member of the Be Bold Be You team, here at our Belper based studio in Derbyshire. She asks the questions that many of us daren’t feel we can, whether it be out of politeness or the general westernised unspoken agreement that you don’t ask what you can’t answer yourself. Babushka herself has discussions over whether her native area of Russia classes as West or East but that’s a politically fumed chat for another day! Right now, she wants to ask you: “Have you ever been in a situation where you just ‘nod along’?”
Yesterday, we looked at the different roles we have within everyday life and whether we wear those roles through choice or responsibility and how, as a result of these roles, we allow ourselves to act and be perceived. It was pretty hard going! The good news is that the groundwork, the basic understanding, has now been explained so let’s have a giggle at social situations.
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been in “that” position where we find ourselves nodding along to conversations but actually have no idea what has been said! Is the fact that we zoned out because we’re tired, we don’t agree or we just don’t feel like engaging? However, we nod along because we want to be seen as empathetic.
Our social identity can be quite a daunting thought, can’t it? Or it can be for me, the introvert who has huge anxiety levels! There’s the obvious traits such as an individual's gender, race, and “class”, as well as characteristics such as occupation and education level... As I type this I feel like it’s a really archaic view on the world and I hope that in the 21st century this is changing but, for now at least, these do seem to have an impact on our own way of dressing, behaving and generally a need/want to fit in. At #BBBY, however, we are all about the personal identity: the sense of who you are. I think it can be quite easy to lose your personal identity through all of the roles we discussed yesterday. Imagine being confident enough to freely express, wherever you are, personality traits, beliefs, and values. For some, this may sound like a really easy thing to do but for many, including me, it really isn’t. For some the thought of this expression seems daunting because you’re showing a society your core and it’s up to others to see it, then think about it and, ultimately, evaluate an individual upon this expression.
It’s a well known fact that self belief can affect our own behaviour. If we lack confidence, in passing an exam for example, those who believe they will fail a test might not study because they do not believe that studying will make a difference for them. Or they might become so stressed and anxious while taking the test, because they are convinced they cannot pass, that they do not perform well. In summary, the anxiety levels rise. Their initial belief––their perception that they could not pass––led to behavior that makes the belief become a reality. Now project that into everyday and it's easy to sometimes forget who we are and feel a bit lost within our own surroundings because our day to day social interactions can, almost, suppress our own expression. I describe it as a dark cloud or fog and needing to find a way through. One key thing to remember, though, is that your personal identity is never static - it will always be evolving throughout life. You won’t be the same 18yr old by the time you reach 50, for example. It’s why, in our work, we focus so hard and promoting self care. Self care can lead to self confidence and self confidence can lead to wonderful things - from positive forms of self expression and acceptance through to creating fab goals that you then achieve and succeed. This is a fabulous cycle as the more confident you are the more challenges you set and, as a result, the positivity allows you to achieve.
Our role at #BBBY is to create a space in which you feel able to express who you are and create a moment where you feel able to go “this is me”. Not only do you feel able to go “this is me” but then feel confident enough to allow the your community to see it - alongside whichever role you choose to present at the time. Sounds scary? Sounds awesome! Speaking as Kirsty for a second (Babushka has, erm, gone to wash her hair!) let me put it differently… When a child creates a “masterpiece” whether it be a blob of playdoh, a scribble on paper or glue covered loo roll covered in glitter they show it with pride. It doesn’t matter what materials they’ve used, or how “abstract” it may look, they have created it and they’re confident enough to be able to say to the world “I made this and it’s cool”. Why, as adults, should we be any different? You don’t need to be wonderfully creative you just need to feel confident enough to express. Just because we take on a role doesn’t mean you have to suppress your identity/personality/humour/overall look. This is what BBBY is all about - finding the confidence to wear your personality.
