Just take the dam shot: the importance of being present this Christmas

As many of you know, I am a mum of three fabulous girls… And they are growing and changing the fastest I have ever known them do so. In the last few months alone, my summer baby of a four yr old started primary school, my eldest applied for her place at secondary school and my newly nine yr old lovingly named “bouncing Bubba” is taking hours in the mirror when styling her own (long, gorgeous and golden!) hair. The recent non-uniform day, for Children in Need, took hours (OK, may be not hours - but you get the idea!) of choosing an outfit they were proud to wear and feel good in. My baby girls definitely are not babies anymore.

Why this shot?

You’re right… It’ll never make an album, never mind the wall, but this is from October and was the first time we took all three girls “big girl shopping” for thieir winter wardrobes. My middle daughter was talking to my youngest about what she’d like to wear and try, that day… It warms my heart as that bag was full of snacks & drinks she’d pack to fuel us all throughout the day and my youngest was cackling all the way up to the top.

I am lucky. I am married to a photographer who, even on his days off, will grab a camera and take candid, documentary style shots, all the time… From eating out, to dog walks to playing in the woods - he’s always captured something. I treasure these images the more and more the girls grow up. I encourage them to be independent and make their own decisions. I am a very proud mum. However, there I’ve noticed an absence in this photographs. There are smiles, laughter and intrigue - everything I love about an image of our girls - but there is one noticeable absence and that is photographs of us, as parents, with our children.

Have you ever had a photo of you, with a loved one, from childhood that you adore?

My wonderful sister and I (I will have been around 4 or 5 in this photo)… I don’t remember it being taken but I do remember being allowed to play with her hair and that being in those arms was one of the warmest feelings in the world.

I could blame the demons in my head, including PTSD, for making me want to hide from the world. The excuse of not doing my hair properly (ie. not brushin and just scraping back in a bobble, quickly!) and/or lack of makeup but it’s actually me that’s stopping the fullness of these images. The blunt reality is that I hide from a camera and, as a result, make myself non-existent in a memory that I genuinely hope my kids will talk of when their adults. You know the conversations - “do you remember that time we kicked leaves?” or “do you remember that time they got covered in mud after falling down the side of the field?” and the cheeky laughs and subsequent conversations that follow. It’s very rarely about how expensive something was or how much was indulged in a day and more frequently about having “time” spent together and the feelings that were left with us, from that day.

With this in mind, I will be making a conscious effort to be in photographs with my growing children, this festive season. I want those memories to include me but as I also grow and get older, I want those images to be there for my children to smile at. It’s not about how you looked that day it’s about how you made them feel. A photograph can aid that memory and, from within that memory the sense of nostalgia and emotion.

So, why am I encouraging both myself and you to make it a conscious goal to be in that photo, this christmas? Here’s why":

1. Children love to see photographs of their parents
   Everyone is a child - whether they are 8 or 80 - everybody is a child. Our children will love to look at those photos in years to come and will be amazed at how young we looked, what clothes we wore and what activities we used to do with them - just as we do with our older relatives. It works full circle. Embrace it for them.

2. You don’t have anything to lose
   Let’s have a quick snap of reality here - today, in 2021, everybody has access to a camera. I bet you that the majority of images you take - whether it be with a camera, a phone or a tablet, for example - are stored digitally and have not been printed. Getting a quick picture taken, with you in it, doesn’t mean you have to print it on a big canvas, hang it in your living room and look at it every day… Which takes me to my next point

3. You don’t need to pose and smile, just be yourself!
   Some of my most favourite photographs - whether it be with my children or me in my youth - are of “moments”. Formal photos are not needed, memories are. To go back to the title of this blog for a second “just take the dam shot”

4. If you don’t do it for you, do it for them
   Imagine your child in 10 years time looking through a family album and not finding any photos of you in it. Now, picture your child looking at a photo of you looking at him/her with a smile on your face and love in your eyes. Which situation do you think will make them feel loved and as part of a family?

5. Allow a moment in time to be relived
   Photographs are the closest thing we currently have to a time machine, right now. Printed imagery - whether it be on paper or printed big and present in a frame - have lasted the test of time more than CDs or USBs. We are so lucky that the majority of our country have access to digital media which will help us store and relive a memory whenever we want to reminisce and revisit.

   In our role, as a professional photography studio, it is up to us to make sure that when you choose a moment to be captured professionally, that this is presented in a way for you to feel proud of and embrace within day to day living. Your role, with your selfies and phone snaps, is to make sure that moments such are Christmas are remembered with you as a part of it

When having to deliver national courses, within the UK photographic industry, I state loudly that I believe that the biggest competitor within our industry is the common selfie. Anyone can take a snap and it’s up to individuals to decide what is the difference between a moment needing a quick selfie and a moment that needs the very heart of it captured through professional photography. Christmas isn’t about how much someone has grown it’s about how many people you really did manage to squeeze around that dining table and which of the kids is going to play with the box and the wrapping paper, rather than the present inside!

Instead of a new years resolution this year, make a christmas promise: be present, this festive season and that includes being “in” that picture.

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